‘… Not in THESE Heels….!! ‘ – July 2008
Jade is approaching middle age. She is what we would call in the horse game – ‘a school master’ (or mistress!) She is reliable. Consistant. Honest. Steady. Quiet and she wants to please. She is sharper than many show dogs I’ve worked through the years but she is, in every way, a layyyydeeeee. ‘Her Royal highness Jade with the long name’ as she is called by one person we compete with
People tend to like hearing about the down sides and the bad behaviour and the dismall failures that folks have working their dogs, because it makes it all the more realistic and achieveable. This is one such tale…..
I think Allan has done exceptionally well with Jade this year. But as she has aged she has got selectively more ‘Princess like’ and safety has become her primary objective Breaking a nail would be a disaster of epic proportions, and smudging her mascara could possibly hearald the start of WW3 so Jade plays it …. safe
The fact that this can involve taking the long route round a series of (ISO9001 approved) tracks rather than plough through nettles and brambles to a retrieve, or smartly collecting from the far bank and then hand cantering to a safe and secure looking bridge to cross back rather than *risking* a return swim (once you get to Open level mum – don’t they release Crocodiles? You can never be too careful you know…)
So the phrase for Jade was coined when faced with a tricky retrieve or piece of work -: ‘Not a chance, not in THESE Heels!’
And it suits her perfectly. Sometimes she will glance down a ravine that she is being asked to negotiate to a blind, and Allan will say ‘back!’ in his firmest voice (which because he adores her, can be not quite firm enough to register over her Ipod playing Celine Dion and Steps).
She will peer down it, look back at Al, and she doesn’t need a voice to be clearly saying ‘In THESE heels!!!!??? Down THERE????? You have GOT to be kidding!! Do you KNOW how much Jimmy Choo’s cost these days?’
Its driving Al mad. She has got worse as she has aged. God knows on game she hurls her stilettos at Deeds’ head and slips into some comfortable running attire, but on dummies – Killer Heels and red lippy.
Now with Jade currently thinking she is ‘with child’ (cross everything!) safety and the sensible rules for a calm and relaxed maternity period are in the forefront of her mind. So yesterday she was sent in the second round of a walked up on field trial lines, as third dog down on a dummy that was a blind for Al’s end of the line. Al and Jade were taken by the judge to where the two dogs who had failed had gone from. It was a considerable distance. I watched – and knew (over the sound of Deeds snoring at my feet as the guns blazed…)
After checking several times with Al that he REALLY meant ‘all that way’, and ‘seriously you mean me?’ and ‘looks a heck of a way wouldn’t you maybe reconsider’? Jade trundled out at a *safe* hand canter. After about a fortnight she reached the rough area of the fall. She stopped. She adjusted her bra strap and looked at her father.
He *told* (by way of the whistle) her to hunt. She said she wasn’t quite sure did he REALLY mean hunt? He *said* Hunt, Jade, Hunt.
She had a token look about moving her feet about three inches from the spot and said ‘nothing here’. He said ‘hunt Jade hunt’. She said ‘I’m coming back its ever so windy out here I might catch something’. He said ‘stop, back, hunt’. She said ‘Can’t hear you’ and continued to call HERSELF up and return to Al. He blew one last desperate stop whistle but she had her Ipod up at a ridiculous volume. The judge said ‘well I’d say ‘call your dog up’ but she appears to have already made that decision herself’. Al wanted to die. Jade was thrilled. They were out. Jade was made up.
Al has decided enough is enough and so, till the sprogs drop (IF sprogs drop), Jade remains at home in a darkened room with Shiney fanning her with a Coconut branch and Mallie fetching her small sweet sherrys. The killer heels will go back in the cupboard till next year……..